Cinta itu membahagiakan justru ketika kita sedang diuji, orang yang kita cintai berkhianat namun akhirnya minta bantuan kita dan kita membantunya. Itulah cinta yang membahagiakan, cinta kita tetap kokoh, tidak peduli badai yang menimpa hidup kita. Ada seorang Ibu yang berkenan bershodaqoh di Rumah Amalia sebagai wujud tanda syukur kepada Allah yang telah mengembalikan keutuhan keluarganya, beliau bertutur awalnya ia dikhianati oleh suami yang juga seorang pengusaha sukses, cintanya kepada istrinya luntur karena tergoda oleh perempuan lain. keluarganya berakhir dengan perceraian dan suami meninggalkan ia serta anaknya.
Seiring waktu pengusaha ini ternyata menikah dengan seorang perempuan yang hanya ingin mendapatkan materi dan kekayaannya semata. Setahun kemudian kekayaannya terkuras habis, pertengkaran demi pertengkaran terjadi terus menerus. Konflik rumah tangga seolah tiada akhir dan membuatnya sakit keras dan masuk rumah sakit. Ditengah sakit, istrinya tidak mau merawat dan mengurus suaminya. Dalam kondisi sakit dan sendiri si pengusaha itu menghubungi mantan istrinya. Dia mencoba mengabarkan keadaan dirinya yang tengah terbaring di Rumah Sakit. 'Aku sakit, Tolong aku Ma, aku menyesal dan minta maaf telah melukai hatimu.' tuturnya. 'Istrimu kemana?' 'Entahlah, kami sudah berpisah,' jawabnya melemah.
Ibu itu menangis mendengar kabar mantan suaminya yang tengah terbaring di Rumah Sakit. Tanpa berpikir panjang Ia mengambil uang di buku tabungan. Anaknya sempat melarang, 'Ma, untuk apa Mama peduli dengan ayah yang tidak bertanggungjawab, kita juga hidup susah Ma. Ayah telah membuat hidup kita menderita.' Dengan berlinangan air mata sang ibu kemudian menjelaskan kepada anaknya. 'Dek, Mama tahu adek menderita karena ayah. Ingatlah dek, Allah mengajarkan kita agar kita sebagai hambaNya membalas keburukan siapapun dengan kasih sayang.' Anak dan ibu terlihat berdua menangis karena relung hatinya dipenuhi kasih sayang Allah.
Sang Ibu lalu bergegas ke Rumah Sakit untuk merawatnya, laki-laki yang pernah mengkhianati & melukai hatinya. Kesembuhannya membawa berkah. Menyadarkan untuk rujuk kembali bersama anak dan istrinya. Di Rumah Amalia bersama suami dan anaknya telah menemukan kebahagiaan kembali, wajahnya memancarkan kedamaian ditengah keluarga yang telah utuh kembali. Itulah cinta yang membahagiakan. Bila kita mengerti, kita tidak akan mengeluh menjalani kesulitan hidup ini. karena cinta Allah kepada kita senantiasa hadir dan menguatkan kita dalam menghadapi badai kehidupan.
'Dan sungguh akan Kami beri cobaan kepadaMu dengan sedikit ketakutan, kelaparan, kekurangan harta, jiwa dan buah-buahan. Dan berikanlah berita gembira kepada orang-orang yang sabar. Yaitu orang-orang yang apabila ditimpa musibah mereka mengucapkan 'Inna lillaahi wa innaa ilaihi raajiuun' . (Sesungguhnya kami adalah milik Allah dan kepadaNya kami kembali). Mereka itulah yang mendapatkan keberkahan yang sempurna dan rahmat dari Tuhan mereka dan mereka itulah orang-orang yang mendapatkan petunjuk.' (QS. al-Baqarah : 155-157).
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
About Memories
I'm so tired of being here
Supressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand thru all of these years
But you still have all of me
You used to captivate me by your resonating mind
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once plesant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand thru all of these years
But you still have all of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But tho you're still with me
I've been alone all along
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand thru all of these years
But you still have all of me
Supressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand thru all of these years
But you still have all of me
You used to captivate me by your resonating mind
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once plesant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand thru all of these years
But you still have all of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But tho you're still with me
I've been alone all along
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand thru all of these years
But you still have all of me
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Waktu diam..
Disaat kamu ingin melepaskan seseorang..ingatlah pada saat kamu ingin mendapatkannya
•Disaat kamu mulai tidak mencintainya...ingatlah saat pertama kamu jatuh cinta padanya
•Disaat kamu mulai bosan dengannya...ingatlah selalu saat terindah bersamanya
•Disaat kamu ingin menduakannya...bayangkan jika dia selalu setia
•Saat kamu ingin membohonginya...ingatlah disaat dia jujur padamu
•Maka kamu akan merasakan arti dia untukmu
Jangan sampai disaat dia sudah tidak disisimu,
Kamu baru menyadari semua arti dirinya untukmu
•Yang indah hanya sementara
•Yang abadi adalah kenangan
•Yang ikhlas hanya dari hati
•Yang tulus hanya dari sanubari
•Tidak mudah mencari yang hilang
•Tidak mudah mengejar impian
•Namun yg lebih susah mempertahankan yg ada
Karena walaupun tergenggam bisa terlepas juga
•Ingatlah pada pepatah,
"Jika kamu tidak memiliki apa yang kamu sukai, maka sukailah apa yang kamu miliki saat ini"
•Belajar menerima apa adanya dan berpikir positif....
•Hidup bagaikan mimpi, seindah apapun, begitu bangun semuanya sirna tak berbekas
•Rumah mewah bagai istana, harta benda yang tak terhitung, kedudukan, dan jabatan yg luar biasa, namun...
Ketika nafas terakhir tiba, sebatang jarum pun tak bisa dibawa pergi
Sehelai benang pun tak bisa dimiliki
Apalagi yang mau diperebutkan
Apalagi yang mau disombongkan
•Maka jalanilah hidup ini dengan keinsafan nurani
•Jangan terlalu perhitungan
•Jangan hanya mau menang sendiri
•Jangan suka sakiti sesama apalagi terhadap mereka yang berjasa bagi kita
•Belajarlah tiada hari tanpa kasih
•Selalu berlapang dada dan mengalah
•Hidup ceria, bebas leluasa...
•Tak ada yang tak bisa di ikhlaskan....
•Tak ada sakit hati yang tak bisa dimaafkan
•Tak ada dendam yang tak bisa terhapus..
•Disaat kamu mulai tidak mencintainya...ingatlah saat pertama kamu jatuh cinta padanya
•Disaat kamu mulai bosan dengannya...ingatlah selalu saat terindah bersamanya
•Disaat kamu ingin menduakannya...bayangkan jika dia selalu setia
•Saat kamu ingin membohonginya...ingatlah disaat dia jujur padamu
•Maka kamu akan merasakan arti dia untukmu
Jangan sampai disaat dia sudah tidak disisimu,
Kamu baru menyadari semua arti dirinya untukmu
•Yang indah hanya sementara
•Yang abadi adalah kenangan
•Yang ikhlas hanya dari hati
•Yang tulus hanya dari sanubari
•Tidak mudah mencari yang hilang
•Tidak mudah mengejar impian
•Namun yg lebih susah mempertahankan yg ada
Karena walaupun tergenggam bisa terlepas juga
•Ingatlah pada pepatah,
"Jika kamu tidak memiliki apa yang kamu sukai, maka sukailah apa yang kamu miliki saat ini"
•Belajar menerima apa adanya dan berpikir positif....
•Hidup bagaikan mimpi, seindah apapun, begitu bangun semuanya sirna tak berbekas
•Rumah mewah bagai istana, harta benda yang tak terhitung, kedudukan, dan jabatan yg luar biasa, namun...
Ketika nafas terakhir tiba, sebatang jarum pun tak bisa dibawa pergi
Sehelai benang pun tak bisa dimiliki
Apalagi yang mau diperebutkan
Apalagi yang mau disombongkan
•Maka jalanilah hidup ini dengan keinsafan nurani
•Jangan terlalu perhitungan
•Jangan hanya mau menang sendiri
•Jangan suka sakiti sesama apalagi terhadap mereka yang berjasa bagi kita
•Belajarlah tiada hari tanpa kasih
•Selalu berlapang dada dan mengalah
•Hidup ceria, bebas leluasa...
•Tak ada yang tak bisa di ikhlaskan....
•Tak ada sakit hati yang tak bisa dimaafkan
•Tak ada dendam yang tak bisa terhapus..
Saturday, April 9, 2011
e mo tion
now your emotions. There are a million different ways you can feel, but scientists have classified human emotions into a few basics that everyone can recognize: joy, acceptance, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger, and anticipation.[1] Jealousy, for example, is a manifestation of fear - fear that you're not "as good" as something else, fear of being abandoned because you're not "perfect" or "the best".
Recognize that emotions don't just appear mysteriously out of nowhere. Many times, we're at the mercy of our emotions on a subconscious level. By recognizing your emotions on a conscious level, you're better able to control them. It's also good to recognize an emotion from the moment it materializes, as opposed to letting it build up and intensify. The last thing you want to do is ignore or repress your feelings, because if you're reading this, you probably know that when you do that, they tend to get worse and erupt later. Ask yourself throughout the day: "How am I feeling right now?" If you can, keep a journal.
Notice what was going through your mind when the emotion appeared. Stop and analyze what you were thinking about, until you find what thought was causing that emotion. Your boss may not have made eye contact with you at lunch, for example; and without even being aware of it, the thought may have been in the back of your mind, "He's getting ready to fire me!"
Write down the evidence which supports the thought that produced the emotion. For example, you may have let slip something that you should not have said which angered him, but which it is too late to retract.
Write down the evidence that is against that thought. When you begin to think about it, you might realize that since nobody gets along well with this particular boss, he can't afford to actually fire anyone, because the department is too short-staffed.
Ask yourself, "What is another way to look at the situation that is more rational and more balanced than the way I was looking at it before?" Taking this new evidence into account, you may conclude that your job is safe, regardless of your boss's petty annoyances, and you're relieved of the emotion that was troubling you. If this doesn't work, however, continue to the next step.
Consider your options. Now that you know what emotion you're dealing with, think of at least two different ways you can respond. Your emotions control you when you assume there's only one way to react, but you always have a choice. For example, if someone insults you, and you experience anger, your immediate response might be to insult them back. But no matter what the emotion, there are always at least two alternatives, and you can probably think of more:
* Don't react. Do nothing.
* Do the opposite of what you would normally do.
Make a choice. When deciding what to do, it's important to make sure it's a conscious choice, not a reaction to another, competing emotion. For example, if someone insults you and you do nothing, is it your decision, or is it a response to your fear of confrontation? Here are some good reasons to act upon:
* Principles - Who do you want to be? What are your moral principles? What do you want the outcome of this situation to be? Ultimately, which is the decision you'd be most proud of? This is where religious guidance comes into play for many people.
* Logic - Which course of action is the most likely to result in the outcome you desire? For example, if you're being confronted with a street fight, and you want to take the pacifist route, you can walk away--but, there's a good chance that burly drunk will be insulted if you turn your back. Maybe it's better to apologize and keep him talking until he calms down.
Ideas that Cause Negative Emotions
Change your perspective. The above steps show how to not let your emotions control your behavior on the spot. If you want to experience fewer negative emotions to begin with, change the way you see the world. If you learn how to be optimistic and laid back, you'll find that negative emotions make fewer appearances to be reckoned with.
Eliminate many of the underlying core beliefs which give rise to your disturbing thoughts and negative emotions. There are many irrational ideas that repeatedly upset us[2] They are all false, but many of us are inclined to at least some of them part of the time. You can get rid of these ideas by debating within yourself until you have cast them out...
"I must be perfect in all respects in order to be worthwhile." Nobody can be perfect in everything that we have to do in life. But if you believe that you're a failure unless you are perfect in every way, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of unhappiness.
"I must be loved and approved of by everyone who is important to me." Sometimes you just can't help making enemies, and there are people in the world who bear ill will to almost everyone. But you can't make your own life miserable by trying to please them.
"When people treat me unfairly, it is because they are bad people." Most of the people who treat you unfairly have friends and family who love them. People are mixtures of good and bad.
"It is terrible when I am seriously frustrated, treated badly, or rejected." Some people have such a short fuse, that they are constantly losing jobs or endangering friendships because they are unable to endure the slightest frustration.
"Misery comes from outside forces which I can’t do very much to change." Many prison inmates describe their life as if it were a cork, bobbing up and down on waves of circumstance. You can choose whether to see yourself as an effect of your circumstances, or a cause.
"If something is dangerous or fearful, I have to worry about it." Many people believe that "the work of worrying" will help to make problems go away. "Okay, that's over. Now, what's the next thing on the list that I have to worry about?"
"It is easier to avoid life’s difficulties and responsibilities than to face them." Even painful experiences, once we can get through them, can serve as a basis for learning and future growth.
"Because things in my past controlled my life, they have to keep doing so now and in the future." If this were really true, it would mean that we are prisoners of our past, and change is impossible. But people change all the time -- and sometimes they change dramatically!
"It is terrible when things do not work out exactly as I want them to." Could you have predicted the course of your own life? Probably not. By the same token, you can't predict that things are going to work out exactly as you want them to, even in the short term.
"I can be as happy as possible by just doing nothing and enjoying myself, taking life as it comes." If this were true, almost every wealthy or comfortably retired person would do as little as possible. But instead, they seek new challenges as a pathway to further growth.
Ideas that Make Negative Emotions Worse
Learn to avoid the cognitive distortions which make things look worse than they really are. Most of us have heard the expression, "looking at the world through rose-colored glasses." But when you use cognitive distortions, you tend to look at the world through mud-colored glasses! Here are some ideas that you should stop from rolling through your head if you catch yourself thinking them...
All-or-nothing thinking. Everything is good or bad, with nothing in between. If you aren't perfect, then you're a failure. You procrastinate doing stuff because they are not perfect until you have no other choice than doing them.
Over-generalization. A single negative event turns into a never-ending pattern of defeat. "I didn't get a phone call. I'll never hear from anybody again."
Mental filter. One single negative thing colors everything else. When you're depressed, it sometimes feels like you're "looking at the world through mud-colored glasses."
Disqualifying the positive. If somebody says something good about you, it doesn't count. But if somebody says something bad about you, you "knew it all along."
Jumping to conclusions. You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion.
Mind reading. You think somebody is disrespecting you and don't bother to check it out. You just assume that he is.
The Fortune Teller Error. You think that things are going to turn out badly, and convince yourself that this is already a fact.
Magnification (catastrophically
) or minimization. Imagine that you're looking at yourself or somebody else through a pair of binoculars. You might think that a mistake you made or somebody else's achievement are more important than they really are. Now imagine that you've turned the binoculars around and you're looking through them backwards. Something you've done might look less important than it really is, and somebody else's faults might look less important than they really are.
Emotional reasoning. You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: "I feel it, therefore it must be true."
Should statements. You beat up on yourself as a way of getting motivated to do something. You "should" do this, you "must" do this, you "ought" to do this, and so on. This doesn't make you want to do it, it only makes you feel guilty. When you direct should statements toward others, you feel anger, frustration, and resentment.
Labeling and mislabeling. This is an extreme form of over generalization. When you make a mistake, you give yourself a label, such as, "I'm a loser." When someone else's behavior rubs you the wrong way, you attach a negative label to him, "He's a louse." Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded.
Personalization. You believe that you were the cause of something bad that happened, when you really didn't have very much to do with it.
Recognize that emotions don't just appear mysteriously out of nowhere. Many times, we're at the mercy of our emotions on a subconscious level. By recognizing your emotions on a conscious level, you're better able to control them. It's also good to recognize an emotion from the moment it materializes, as opposed to letting it build up and intensify. The last thing you want to do is ignore or repress your feelings, because if you're reading this, you probably know that when you do that, they tend to get worse and erupt later. Ask yourself throughout the day: "How am I feeling right now?" If you can, keep a journal.
Notice what was going through your mind when the emotion appeared. Stop and analyze what you were thinking about, until you find what thought was causing that emotion. Your boss may not have made eye contact with you at lunch, for example; and without even being aware of it, the thought may have been in the back of your mind, "He's getting ready to fire me!"
Write down the evidence which supports the thought that produced the emotion. For example, you may have let slip something that you should not have said which angered him, but which it is too late to retract.
Write down the evidence that is against that thought. When you begin to think about it, you might realize that since nobody gets along well with this particular boss, he can't afford to actually fire anyone, because the department is too short-staffed.
Ask yourself, "What is another way to look at the situation that is more rational and more balanced than the way I was looking at it before?" Taking this new evidence into account, you may conclude that your job is safe, regardless of your boss's petty annoyances, and you're relieved of the emotion that was troubling you. If this doesn't work, however, continue to the next step.
Consider your options. Now that you know what emotion you're dealing with, think of at least two different ways you can respond. Your emotions control you when you assume there's only one way to react, but you always have a choice. For example, if someone insults you, and you experience anger, your immediate response might be to insult them back. But no matter what the emotion, there are always at least two alternatives, and you can probably think of more:
* Don't react. Do nothing.
* Do the opposite of what you would normally do.
Make a choice. When deciding what to do, it's important to make sure it's a conscious choice, not a reaction to another, competing emotion. For example, if someone insults you and you do nothing, is it your decision, or is it a response to your fear of confrontation? Here are some good reasons to act upon:
* Principles - Who do you want to be? What are your moral principles? What do you want the outcome of this situation to be? Ultimately, which is the decision you'd be most proud of? This is where religious guidance comes into play for many people.
* Logic - Which course of action is the most likely to result in the outcome you desire? For example, if you're being confronted with a street fight, and you want to take the pacifist route, you can walk away--but, there's a good chance that burly drunk will be insulted if you turn your back. Maybe it's better to apologize and keep him talking until he calms down.
Ideas that Cause Negative Emotions
Change your perspective. The above steps show how to not let your emotions control your behavior on the spot. If you want to experience fewer negative emotions to begin with, change the way you see the world. If you learn how to be optimistic and laid back, you'll find that negative emotions make fewer appearances to be reckoned with.
Eliminate many of the underlying core beliefs which give rise to your disturbing thoughts and negative emotions. There are many irrational ideas that repeatedly upset us[2] They are all false, but many of us are inclined to at least some of them part of the time. You can get rid of these ideas by debating within yourself until you have cast them out...
"I must be perfect in all respects in order to be worthwhile." Nobody can be perfect in everything that we have to do in life. But if you believe that you're a failure unless you are perfect in every way, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of unhappiness.
"I must be loved and approved of by everyone who is important to me." Sometimes you just can't help making enemies, and there are people in the world who bear ill will to almost everyone. But you can't make your own life miserable by trying to please them.
"When people treat me unfairly, it is because they are bad people." Most of the people who treat you unfairly have friends and family who love them. People are mixtures of good and bad.
"It is terrible when I am seriously frustrated, treated badly, or rejected." Some people have such a short fuse, that they are constantly losing jobs or endangering friendships because they are unable to endure the slightest frustration.
"Misery comes from outside forces which I can’t do very much to change." Many prison inmates describe their life as if it were a cork, bobbing up and down on waves of circumstance. You can choose whether to see yourself as an effect of your circumstances, or a cause.
"If something is dangerous or fearful, I have to worry about it." Many people believe that "the work of worrying" will help to make problems go away. "Okay, that's over. Now, what's the next thing on the list that I have to worry about?"
"It is easier to avoid life’s difficulties and responsibilities than to face them." Even painful experiences, once we can get through them, can serve as a basis for learning and future growth.
"Because things in my past controlled my life, they have to keep doing so now and in the future." If this were really true, it would mean that we are prisoners of our past, and change is impossible. But people change all the time -- and sometimes they change dramatically!
"It is terrible when things do not work out exactly as I want them to." Could you have predicted the course of your own life? Probably not. By the same token, you can't predict that things are going to work out exactly as you want them to, even in the short term.
"I can be as happy as possible by just doing nothing and enjoying myself, taking life as it comes." If this were true, almost every wealthy or comfortably retired person would do as little as possible. But instead, they seek new challenges as a pathway to further growth.
Ideas that Make Negative Emotions Worse
Learn to avoid the cognitive distortions which make things look worse than they really are. Most of us have heard the expression, "looking at the world through rose-colored glasses." But when you use cognitive distortions, you tend to look at the world through mud-colored glasses! Here are some ideas that you should stop from rolling through your head if you catch yourself thinking them...
All-or-nothing thinking. Everything is good or bad, with nothing in between. If you aren't perfect, then you're a failure. You procrastinate doing stuff because they are not perfect until you have no other choice than doing them.
Over-generalization. A single negative event turns into a never-ending pattern of defeat. "I didn't get a phone call. I'll never hear from anybody again."
Mental filter. One single negative thing colors everything else. When you're depressed, it sometimes feels like you're "looking at the world through mud-colored glasses."
Disqualifying the positive. If somebody says something good about you, it doesn't count. But if somebody says something bad about you, you "knew it all along."
Jumping to conclusions. You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion.
Mind reading. You think somebody is disrespecting you and don't bother to check it out. You just assume that he is.
The Fortune Teller Error. You think that things are going to turn out badly, and convince yourself that this is already a fact.
Magnification (catastrophically
) or minimization. Imagine that you're looking at yourself or somebody else through a pair of binoculars. You might think that a mistake you made or somebody else's achievement are more important than they really are. Now imagine that you've turned the binoculars around and you're looking through them backwards. Something you've done might look less important than it really is, and somebody else's faults might look less important than they really are.
Emotional reasoning. You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: "I feel it, therefore it must be true."
Should statements. You beat up on yourself as a way of getting motivated to do something. You "should" do this, you "must" do this, you "ought" to do this, and so on. This doesn't make you want to do it, it only makes you feel guilty. When you direct should statements toward others, you feel anger, frustration, and resentment.
Labeling and mislabeling. This is an extreme form of over generalization. When you make a mistake, you give yourself a label, such as, "I'm a loser." When someone else's behavior rubs you the wrong way, you attach a negative label to him, "He's a louse." Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded.
Personalization. You believe that you were the cause of something bad that happened, when you really didn't have very much to do with it.
BREAKS up
Breakups can be rough, and they can be amicable; no matter what, no one really wants to go through them. The loss of your relationship can bring on intense heartache. But if you're looking for some help getting through it and want some suggestions about how to make it a little easier, read on...
edit Steps
1.Think through everything thoroughly, but not obsessively.
Go ahead and mull it over, as many times as necessary, within reason. Consider all the reasons you two broke up. Even if it sometimes seems as if there wasn't a good reason, there certainly was one - and probably more than one. Understand that you enjoyed being together for a while, but if the relationship was not what both you and your partner wanted for life, it would have ended eventually, no matter what. In this case, better sooner than later. Thinking about the reasons why it ended can make it much clearer to you that it takes two people to start a relationship, but just one discordant person is enough to end it. It may also help you avoid many missteps in the future if you can identify areas where you contributed to the demise of the relationship.
2. Don't rethink your decision.
If the breakup was your decision, keep in mind that only thinking about all the good times you had with your partner may cause you to forget the reasons why you broke it off. By the same token, try not to second-guess the situation if the decision to end things was not yours. It's very common to romanticize the good parts of the relationship, convincing yourself that maybe the bad parts weren't so bad after all, that maybe you could just live with them. Or that maybe if your ex would know just how you feel, he/she wouldn't want to break up after all. Don't play this game with yourself. Accept the situation and work on moving forward.
3. Keep your space.
Even if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, break away completely from each other right after the breakup. This means not seeing each other, not being around his/her family members, no phone calls, no e-mails, no text messages, no Facebook, and no IMs - not necessarily as a permanent measure, but until you feel that you can converse with him/her on a purely platonic level, without an ulterior motive (and yes, wanting to get back together counts as an ulterior motive). If he/she tries to convince you to see him/her, ask yourself honestly what the point would be. If you're reliving the past by seeing him/her, it's not hard to get caught up in the moment and it will be harder to let go again. You may have to have some contact in order to deal with the practical aspects of things like moving out, signing papers, etc., but try to limit this to what's absolutely necessary, and then keep such calls/meetings short and civil.
4.Don't think you're unlikeable! ( for short time yes you will feel like that)
There are plenty of fish in the sea If he/she wasn't the fish, your emotions are telling you. Find someone else. Remember there will always be someone out there for you!
5. Cope with the pain appropriately.
It's okay to feel like you have messed up - accepting responsibility for your mistakes or shortcomings is healthy. On the other hand, you must also accept that you are a good person, and that you did your best and you're not the only one who made mistakes. Of course, a stage of denial is completely natural, but acceptance is the key to being able to start moving on.
6. Deal with the hate phase.
This is when you want to just scream because your rage feels boundless. The amount of anger you feel depends on how antagonistic the split was, the circumstances, and how long it took to make the final break. You may resent your ex for wasting your time. You may realize that the breakup was inevitable (hindsight will reveal clues you failed to notice at the time). You may even feel a lot of anger towards yourself, but let go of that feeling fast! It's a waste of time and energy to rip yourself apart over something you no longer have the power to change. There are so many positive things you can do with your emotions and energy. Although it may feel good to replace your feelings of love towards your ex with hate, this can still lead to complications and mixed emotions of love and hate which are never a good thing.
7. Talk to your friends.
You want people around you who love you and who will help you feel good about yourself. Surrounding yourself with compassionate, supportive friends and family will help you see yourself as a worthwhile person, and you'll find it easier to get steady on your feet again with your loved ones around you in a comforting net. But be wary of friends trying to connect you with another person right now, this is not what you need. If you feel you are burdening your friends, consider making an appointment with a counselor or psychologist. These thoughts are irrational and are generally an early indicator of depression.
8. Write all your feelings down.
Write in a journal or try writing poems. The most important thing is to be absolutely honest and don't edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring it all out onto paper. Patterns may become clearer, and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to understand valuable life lessons from the whole experience if you've been writing your way through it. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean it wasn't a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you're meant to be.
9. Make a list of reminders.
One of the best tricks to help you stick to your resolve is to make a list of all the reasons your ex was not the one for you. Be ruthless and clear -- this is not the time to be forgiving. What you're doing is creating a picture for yourself that will call up an emotional response when you feel tempted to think that "maybe if you just did this or that, it would work out..." Write down what happened and how it made you feel, being clear about the things you never want to feel again. When you find yourself missing your ex in a weak moment, and think you might actually be getting too close to the telephone, get out this list, read it over a couple times, and then talk to yourself, "This is the truth of what it was like. Why would I want to go back and torture myself again?" If you're caught in a low-self-esteem trap, thinking you don't deserve better, imagine this happening to a friend of yours, and think what you would say to your friend: "Get as far away as you can! That relationship was no good for you!"
10.Out with the old, in with the new.
A breakup can signify a new beginning. Therefore, cleaning and organizing your personal space will leave you feeling refreshed and prepared for the new things to come. A mess can be overwhelming and depressing, and will just add to your stress level. The added bonus is that keeping busy with tidying your space doesn't require a lot of brain power, but does require just enough focus to keep you from recycling pain. Occupying yourself with such tasks designed to make your life better and easier will also occupy your mind enough to help you through the residual pain. Clean your room, get some new posters, clean up the icons on your PC desktop. As insignificant as cleaning up sounds, it'll make you feel better.
11. Remove memory triggers.
There are all kinds of things that remind you of your ex - a song, a smell, a sound, a place. Once the grieving period has had some time to process, don't dwell on painful feelings or memories. There are probably things that are pushing your buttons without your conscious recognition. Try walking around each room in your house with a box and removing things that make your heart ache or your stomach turn. Really focus and look carefully. You may realize that the little blue bird-shaped box sitting on the mantel has become pretty invisible for the last couple years, but when you take a conscious look at it, you notice that every time you turn towards that corner of the room and it catches your eye, you feel a sharp little pain in your solar plexus. It can work wonders to clear your space of all these triggers. If you have a keepsake, such as a watch or piece of jewelry that was given to you by your ex, and it's a reminder of the good aspects of your relationship, there's nothing wrong with keeping such a thing, but for the time being, try putting it away for later, when you've given yourself some time and space. Put these reminders far away from you, such as in a box in a place you'll never go. Out of sight, out of mind.
12.Find happiness in other areas of your life.
Whether that means spending time with your friends and family, signing up for that class you've always wanted to take, or reading every book on the New York Times bestseller list, remind yourself that a relationship is one part of life, but even when you are in one, there are personal pleasures that you can always enjoy on your own. Indulge in those things now. As they say, the best revenge is living well. Enjoy being single
13. Stay active.
Exercise improves your mood and alleviates depression, and the distraction will help keep your mind off your situation. Go running outside, visit (or join) the gym, or just go for a walk, maybe with a friend, and think of releasing the anger or sadness with every step. If you don't exercise regularly, here are some ways to motivate yourself to work out:
* Do something small, right now. Going all the way to the gym, or getting decked out in your jogging gear, or doing whatever it is you feel you should be doing obviously seems like too much work. So just do ten push-ups or jumping jacks. Easy. And usually, it's just enough to get your heart rate going a little bit, and make you feel like a little more exercise wouldn't be so bad...
* Get halfway there. If you want to go to the gym, but just don't feel like it, at least just drive yourself to gym, and tell yourself that if you still don't feel like working out, you'll go home. Odds are, though, once you're there, you won't feel like driving home. (But if you do, that's OK too. But you probably won't.) Then tell yourself you'll just walk on the treadmill for 10 minutes, even if your exercise routine involves much more. Just telling yourself to do one more thing, without having to commit to anything else, will make things much easier. And before long, your endorphins will take over.
14.Let go... ( so hard to do in start )
Understand that there is no benefit in holding on to heartache, regret, and hatred toward another person. Realize that although it is over, your relationship with that person was unique and special in a lot of ways. You can congratulate yourself for being brave enough to take a risk and fall in love, and encourage your heart that even though love didn't work out this time, there will be a next time. Try not to think about them, Don't let anger get the best of you.....
just pray it will substitute
with much much better one...amiin
edit Steps
1.Think through everything thoroughly, but not obsessively.
Go ahead and mull it over, as many times as necessary, within reason. Consider all the reasons you two broke up. Even if it sometimes seems as if there wasn't a good reason, there certainly was one - and probably more than one. Understand that you enjoyed being together for a while, but if the relationship was not what both you and your partner wanted for life, it would have ended eventually, no matter what. In this case, better sooner than later. Thinking about the reasons why it ended can make it much clearer to you that it takes two people to start a relationship, but just one discordant person is enough to end it. It may also help you avoid many missteps in the future if you can identify areas where you contributed to the demise of the relationship.
2. Don't rethink your decision.
If the breakup was your decision, keep in mind that only thinking about all the good times you had with your partner may cause you to forget the reasons why you broke it off. By the same token, try not to second-guess the situation if the decision to end things was not yours. It's very common to romanticize the good parts of the relationship, convincing yourself that maybe the bad parts weren't so bad after all, that maybe you could just live with them. Or that maybe if your ex would know just how you feel, he/she wouldn't want to break up after all. Don't play this game with yourself. Accept the situation and work on moving forward.
3. Keep your space.
Even if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, break away completely from each other right after the breakup. This means not seeing each other, not being around his/her family members, no phone calls, no e-mails, no text messages, no Facebook, and no IMs - not necessarily as a permanent measure, but until you feel that you can converse with him/her on a purely platonic level, without an ulterior motive (and yes, wanting to get back together counts as an ulterior motive). If he/she tries to convince you to see him/her, ask yourself honestly what the point would be. If you're reliving the past by seeing him/her, it's not hard to get caught up in the moment and it will be harder to let go again. You may have to have some contact in order to deal with the practical aspects of things like moving out, signing papers, etc., but try to limit this to what's absolutely necessary, and then keep such calls/meetings short and civil.
4.Don't think you're unlikeable! ( for short time yes you will feel like that)
There are plenty of fish in the sea If he/she wasn't the fish, your emotions are telling you. Find someone else. Remember there will always be someone out there for you!
5. Cope with the pain appropriately.
It's okay to feel like you have messed up - accepting responsibility for your mistakes or shortcomings is healthy. On the other hand, you must also accept that you are a good person, and that you did your best and you're not the only one who made mistakes. Of course, a stage of denial is completely natural, but acceptance is the key to being able to start moving on.
6. Deal with the hate phase.
This is when you want to just scream because your rage feels boundless. The amount of anger you feel depends on how antagonistic the split was, the circumstances, and how long it took to make the final break. You may resent your ex for wasting your time. You may realize that the breakup was inevitable (hindsight will reveal clues you failed to notice at the time). You may even feel a lot of anger towards yourself, but let go of that feeling fast! It's a waste of time and energy to rip yourself apart over something you no longer have the power to change. There are so many positive things you can do with your emotions and energy. Although it may feel good to replace your feelings of love towards your ex with hate, this can still lead to complications and mixed emotions of love and hate which are never a good thing.
7. Talk to your friends.
You want people around you who love you and who will help you feel good about yourself. Surrounding yourself with compassionate, supportive friends and family will help you see yourself as a worthwhile person, and you'll find it easier to get steady on your feet again with your loved ones around you in a comforting net. But be wary of friends trying to connect you with another person right now, this is not what you need. If you feel you are burdening your friends, consider making an appointment with a counselor or psychologist. These thoughts are irrational and are generally an early indicator of depression.
8. Write all your feelings down.
Write in a journal or try writing poems. The most important thing is to be absolutely honest and don't edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring it all out onto paper. Patterns may become clearer, and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to understand valuable life lessons from the whole experience if you've been writing your way through it. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean it wasn't a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you're meant to be.
9. Make a list of reminders.
One of the best tricks to help you stick to your resolve is to make a list of all the reasons your ex was not the one for you. Be ruthless and clear -- this is not the time to be forgiving. What you're doing is creating a picture for yourself that will call up an emotional response when you feel tempted to think that "maybe if you just did this or that, it would work out..." Write down what happened and how it made you feel, being clear about the things you never want to feel again. When you find yourself missing your ex in a weak moment, and think you might actually be getting too close to the telephone, get out this list, read it over a couple times, and then talk to yourself, "This is the truth of what it was like. Why would I want to go back and torture myself again?" If you're caught in a low-self-esteem trap, thinking you don't deserve better, imagine this happening to a friend of yours, and think what you would say to your friend: "Get as far away as you can! That relationship was no good for you!"
10.Out with the old, in with the new.
A breakup can signify a new beginning. Therefore, cleaning and organizing your personal space will leave you feeling refreshed and prepared for the new things to come. A mess can be overwhelming and depressing, and will just add to your stress level. The added bonus is that keeping busy with tidying your space doesn't require a lot of brain power, but does require just enough focus to keep you from recycling pain. Occupying yourself with such tasks designed to make your life better and easier will also occupy your mind enough to help you through the residual pain. Clean your room, get some new posters, clean up the icons on your PC desktop. As insignificant as cleaning up sounds, it'll make you feel better.
11. Remove memory triggers.
There are all kinds of things that remind you of your ex - a song, a smell, a sound, a place. Once the grieving period has had some time to process, don't dwell on painful feelings or memories. There are probably things that are pushing your buttons without your conscious recognition. Try walking around each room in your house with a box and removing things that make your heart ache or your stomach turn. Really focus and look carefully. You may realize that the little blue bird-shaped box sitting on the mantel has become pretty invisible for the last couple years, but when you take a conscious look at it, you notice that every time you turn towards that corner of the room and it catches your eye, you feel a sharp little pain in your solar plexus. It can work wonders to clear your space of all these triggers. If you have a keepsake, such as a watch or piece of jewelry that was given to you by your ex, and it's a reminder of the good aspects of your relationship, there's nothing wrong with keeping such a thing, but for the time being, try putting it away for later, when you've given yourself some time and space. Put these reminders far away from you, such as in a box in a place you'll never go. Out of sight, out of mind.
12.Find happiness in other areas of your life.
Whether that means spending time with your friends and family, signing up for that class you've always wanted to take, or reading every book on the New York Times bestseller list, remind yourself that a relationship is one part of life, but even when you are in one, there are personal pleasures that you can always enjoy on your own. Indulge in those things now. As they say, the best revenge is living well. Enjoy being single
13. Stay active.
Exercise improves your mood and alleviates depression, and the distraction will help keep your mind off your situation. Go running outside, visit (or join) the gym, or just go for a walk, maybe with a friend, and think of releasing the anger or sadness with every step. If you don't exercise regularly, here are some ways to motivate yourself to work out:
* Do something small, right now. Going all the way to the gym, or getting decked out in your jogging gear, or doing whatever it is you feel you should be doing obviously seems like too much work. So just do ten push-ups or jumping jacks. Easy. And usually, it's just enough to get your heart rate going a little bit, and make you feel like a little more exercise wouldn't be so bad...
* Get halfway there. If you want to go to the gym, but just don't feel like it, at least just drive yourself to gym, and tell yourself that if you still don't feel like working out, you'll go home. Odds are, though, once you're there, you won't feel like driving home. (But if you do, that's OK too. But you probably won't.) Then tell yourself you'll just walk on the treadmill for 10 minutes, even if your exercise routine involves much more. Just telling yourself to do one more thing, without having to commit to anything else, will make things much easier. And before long, your endorphins will take over.
14.Let go... ( so hard to do in start )
Understand that there is no benefit in holding on to heartache, regret, and hatred toward another person. Realize that although it is over, your relationship with that person was unique and special in a lot of ways. You can congratulate yourself for being brave enough to take a risk and fall in love, and encourage your heart that even though love didn't work out this time, there will be a next time. Try not to think about them, Don't let anger get the best of you.....
just pray it will substitute
with much much better one...amiin
About breaking up, being heartbroken
"A relationship breakup (or otherwise simply known as a breakup) refers to the ending of a relationship, typically a romantic one. A breakup can vary from casual to emotionally traumatic.
This can occur for innumerable reasons, including conflicts in personality, lifestyle changes, breaches in spoken or unspoken codes of conduct, or attraction to a different person. A breakup that is decided upon by only one person is commonly referred to as dumping." From the Wikipedia
How to Break Upfrom wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit
When you decide to end a relationship, what follows can be a difficult, sometimes torturous series of events, especially if the feelings are deep-rooted, circumstances are intertwined, and the break-up isn't mutual. It may be one of the hardest things you ever do, but otherwise, an unhealthy and unhappy relationship can drag on for years and perhaps even decades. Here's how to be strong and end it now.
Steps
1. Think about why you are breaking up with this person. If you are simply upset with your partner, you should consider talking about what upset you and focus on resolving it, rather than ending the relationship. But if this same issue has already been discussed, yet nothing changes and you keep feeling unsatisfied, hurt, or betrayed, then breaking up might be the only way to end the pattern. Your partner will ask you why you want out, and you should be prepared with answers. Before having "the talk" that ends the relationship, do your best to articulate the reasons you are breaking up. If you have trouble remembering examples during emotional discussions or arguments, write your reasons down in advance. It may help to talk this over with someone you trust, or with a counselor.
2. Plan out how long you are willing to spend breaking up. The actual conversation in which you break up with this person can last a lot longer than it should, especially if your partner is devastated or completely surprised by your decision. It'll be much easier for you to stick to your guns if the conversation doesn't drag out. Expect to spend at least one hour breaking up, and longer if the relationship lasted a year or more. You may even want to arrange an appointment with a friend in a neutral location so that you can say "I'm supposed to meet John/Jane at the restaurant in fifteen minutes, so I have to go now."
3. Breakup in person. It is easier to break up with someone if you don't have to look the person in the eye, but it can also be interpreted as cruel and cowardly. Unless you are a long distance away and choose not to wait until you see the person again, don't break up by phone, e-mail, or through an instant messenger system. And don't even think about breaking up with someone by pulling a disappearing act, even if it's just by suddenly eliminating contact with the person. The lack of closure can be psychologically damaging.
* If you don't live together, break the news at his/her home and in private. They'll want to feel safe enough to respond emotionally--no one wants to be broken up with in public or near family and friends, and risk bursting into tears, or be forced to bottle up all those emotions. While you can break up with them at your place, making someone go home after getting news like that will be difficult, and could make them more bitter. If you are at your partner's home, you can leave after you feel you've made your decision clear.
* If you live together, breaking-up will be particularly problematic and stressful; you should have a place where you can stay until the person you've broken up with digests the big change. You can either move all of your stuff while they're not home and then break up when they come home and notice, or break up and leave with some of your things with the intention to come back when things have calmed down to get the rest of your belongings. Either way will be very difficult for the other person, but only you know what's best for your situation.
4. Breakup calmly. If you say the dreaded words "We need to talk", your partner will immediately know what's going on, and that's not a bad thing. You don't want to blurt out "We need to break up" out of the blue, or worse, when you're in an argument. You need to approach the whole thing calmly and peacefully, with a sense of resolution. Sit down with your partner and let him or her know that you've decided to end the relationship.
5. Expect any or all of the following reactions.
* Questioning -- He or she will want to know why, and whether there was anything he or she could have done to prevent the breakup. Answer the questions as honestly as possible.
* Crying -- The other person will likely be upset, and it will show. You can comfort him or her, but don't allow yourself to be manipulated into changing your decision.
* Arguing -- He or she may dispute anything you've said during the breakup, including examples you used in your reasons for breaking up. Don't get dragged into a fight, and don't split hairs. Let your partner know that arguing isn't going to change your decision.
* Bargaining or Begging -- He or she may offer to change, or to do things differently in order to preserve the relationship. If the person didn't change when you've discussed your problems in the past, it is too late to expect him or her to truly change now.
* Lashing Out -- Whether it's as simple as saying "You'll never find anyone as good as me" or as scary as saying "I'll make you regret this", he or she is usually just trying to make himself or herself feel better. Threats of physical harm, however, are serious and should not be ignored. If you feel that your safety is at risk, stay calm and leave quickly.
6. Distance yourself. It'll be difficult, but don't call them, don't go places where you know they frequent, and make yourself scarce. Take the time to reflect on your situation and learn more about yourself. Do all the things you've ever wanted to do, that you wouldn't have done if you were still with this person. Now is the perfect time to focus on those missed opportunities. Your ex may try to get in touch, but wait a while (some people suggest six months) before resuming contact, if at all. You felt close to this person at one point in your life, and you will probably always have a soft spot for him or her, but it's time for both of you to move on.
Tips
* If you are sure you want to break up with somebody, it is best done sooner rather than later. However, if your partner has had a particularly bad day already, you may want to consider waiting for a better moment. Breaking up with them when they are already down will make the break-up much harder for both of you.
* While honesty is the best policy, you may want to focus on the fundamental issues destroying the relationship and not nitpick on the little annoyances that drive you mad. Those annoyances are usually symptoms of the underlying problems--we're far more likely to get annoyed, irritable, and frustrated when we know the relationship isn't working out.
Warnings
* Never break up in the heat of the moment. If the relationship is already broken beyond repair, that won't change once the argument is over and the anger has passed. Break up with you're both calm and can talk it over peacefully. That's when you have the best chance of closure.
* Never threaten that you will break up with your partner. If you have problems or concerns, work through them or break up. Threats will only make a relationship worse and their impact tends to diminish with repeated use.
* Never use e-mail to end a relationship. E-mail might be perceived as a "non-confrontational" way to break up but it adds insult to what will likely be injury for the other party. An e-mail breakup also speaks poorly about the character of one who uses it for such a delicate task.
Officially single!!!!!!
This can occur for innumerable reasons, including conflicts in personality, lifestyle changes, breaches in spoken or unspoken codes of conduct, or attraction to a different person. A breakup that is decided upon by only one person is commonly referred to as dumping." From the Wikipedia
How to Break Upfrom wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit
When you decide to end a relationship, what follows can be a difficult, sometimes torturous series of events, especially if the feelings are deep-rooted, circumstances are intertwined, and the break-up isn't mutual. It may be one of the hardest things you ever do, but otherwise, an unhealthy and unhappy relationship can drag on for years and perhaps even decades. Here's how to be strong and end it now.
Steps
1. Think about why you are breaking up with this person. If you are simply upset with your partner, you should consider talking about what upset you and focus on resolving it, rather than ending the relationship. But if this same issue has already been discussed, yet nothing changes and you keep feeling unsatisfied, hurt, or betrayed, then breaking up might be the only way to end the pattern. Your partner will ask you why you want out, and you should be prepared with answers. Before having "the talk" that ends the relationship, do your best to articulate the reasons you are breaking up. If you have trouble remembering examples during emotional discussions or arguments, write your reasons down in advance. It may help to talk this over with someone you trust, or with a counselor.
2. Plan out how long you are willing to spend breaking up. The actual conversation in which you break up with this person can last a lot longer than it should, especially if your partner is devastated or completely surprised by your decision. It'll be much easier for you to stick to your guns if the conversation doesn't drag out. Expect to spend at least one hour breaking up, and longer if the relationship lasted a year or more. You may even want to arrange an appointment with a friend in a neutral location so that you can say "I'm supposed to meet John/Jane at the restaurant in fifteen minutes, so I have to go now."
3. Breakup in person. It is easier to break up with someone if you don't have to look the person in the eye, but it can also be interpreted as cruel and cowardly. Unless you are a long distance away and choose not to wait until you see the person again, don't break up by phone, e-mail, or through an instant messenger system. And don't even think about breaking up with someone by pulling a disappearing act, even if it's just by suddenly eliminating contact with the person. The lack of closure can be psychologically damaging.
* If you don't live together, break the news at his/her home and in private. They'll want to feel safe enough to respond emotionally--no one wants to be broken up with in public or near family and friends, and risk bursting into tears, or be forced to bottle up all those emotions. While you can break up with them at your place, making someone go home after getting news like that will be difficult, and could make them more bitter. If you are at your partner's home, you can leave after you feel you've made your decision clear.
* If you live together, breaking-up will be particularly problematic and stressful; you should have a place where you can stay until the person you've broken up with digests the big change. You can either move all of your stuff while they're not home and then break up when they come home and notice, or break up and leave with some of your things with the intention to come back when things have calmed down to get the rest of your belongings. Either way will be very difficult for the other person, but only you know what's best for your situation.
4. Breakup calmly. If you say the dreaded words "We need to talk", your partner will immediately know what's going on, and that's not a bad thing. You don't want to blurt out "We need to break up" out of the blue, or worse, when you're in an argument. You need to approach the whole thing calmly and peacefully, with a sense of resolution. Sit down with your partner and let him or her know that you've decided to end the relationship.
5. Expect any or all of the following reactions.
* Questioning -- He or she will want to know why, and whether there was anything he or she could have done to prevent the breakup. Answer the questions as honestly as possible.
* Crying -- The other person will likely be upset, and it will show. You can comfort him or her, but don't allow yourself to be manipulated into changing your decision.
* Arguing -- He or she may dispute anything you've said during the breakup, including examples you used in your reasons for breaking up. Don't get dragged into a fight, and don't split hairs. Let your partner know that arguing isn't going to change your decision.
* Bargaining or Begging -- He or she may offer to change, or to do things differently in order to preserve the relationship. If the person didn't change when you've discussed your problems in the past, it is too late to expect him or her to truly change now.
* Lashing Out -- Whether it's as simple as saying "You'll never find anyone as good as me" or as scary as saying "I'll make you regret this", he or she is usually just trying to make himself or herself feel better. Threats of physical harm, however, are serious and should not be ignored. If you feel that your safety is at risk, stay calm and leave quickly.
6. Distance yourself. It'll be difficult, but don't call them, don't go places where you know they frequent, and make yourself scarce. Take the time to reflect on your situation and learn more about yourself. Do all the things you've ever wanted to do, that you wouldn't have done if you were still with this person. Now is the perfect time to focus on those missed opportunities. Your ex may try to get in touch, but wait a while (some people suggest six months) before resuming contact, if at all. You felt close to this person at one point in your life, and you will probably always have a soft spot for him or her, but it's time for both of you to move on.
Tips
* If you are sure you want to break up with somebody, it is best done sooner rather than later. However, if your partner has had a particularly bad day already, you may want to consider waiting for a better moment. Breaking up with them when they are already down will make the break-up much harder for both of you.
* While honesty is the best policy, you may want to focus on the fundamental issues destroying the relationship and not nitpick on the little annoyances that drive you mad. Those annoyances are usually symptoms of the underlying problems--we're far more likely to get annoyed, irritable, and frustrated when we know the relationship isn't working out.
Warnings
* Never break up in the heat of the moment. If the relationship is already broken beyond repair, that won't change once the argument is over and the anger has passed. Break up with you're both calm and can talk it over peacefully. That's when you have the best chance of closure.
* Never threaten that you will break up with your partner. If you have problems or concerns, work through them or break up. Threats will only make a relationship worse and their impact tends to diminish with repeated use.
* Never use e-mail to end a relationship. E-mail might be perceived as a "non-confrontational" way to break up but it adds insult to what will likely be injury for the other party. An e-mail breakup also speaks poorly about the character of one who uses it for such a delicate task.
Officially single!!!!!!
Strip Me...
La la la la la la
Everyday I fight for
All my future somethings
A thousand little awards
I have to choose between
I could spend a lifetime
Earning things I don’t need
That’s like chasing rainbows
And coming home empty
And if you strip me,
Strip it all away
If you strip me,
What would you find
If you strip me,
Strip it all away
Ill be alright
Take what you want
Steal my pride
Build me up
Or cut me down to size
Shut me out
But I’ll just scream
Im only one voice in a million
But you aint taking that from me
Oh oh no you aint taking that from me x 4
I dont need a microphone
To say what I been thinking
My heart is like a loudspeaker
Thats always on eleven
And if you strip me,
Strip it all away
Natasha Bedingfield Strip Me lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/natasha-bedingfield-strip-me-lyrics.html
If you strip me,
What would you find
If you strip me,
Strip it all away
I’m still the same
Take what you want
Steal my pride
Build me up
Or cut me down to size
Shut me out
But I’ll just scream
Im only one voice in a million
But you aint taking that from me
Oh oh no you aint taking that from me x 4
Cos when it all boils down
At the end of the day
Its what you do and say
That makes you who you are
Makes you think about,
Think about it
Doesn’t it
Sometimes all it takes is one voice
Take what you want
Steal my pride
Build me up
Or cut me down to size
Shut me out
But I’ll just scream
Im only one voice in a million
But you aint taking that from me
Oh oh no you aint taking that from me x 4
Everyday I fight for
All my future somethings
A thousand little awards
I have to choose between
I could spend a lifetime
Earning things I don’t need
That’s like chasing rainbows
And coming home empty
And if you strip me,
Strip it all away
If you strip me,
What would you find
If you strip me,
Strip it all away
Ill be alright
Take what you want
Steal my pride
Build me up
Or cut me down to size
Shut me out
But I’ll just scream
Im only one voice in a million
But you aint taking that from me
Oh oh no you aint taking that from me x 4
I dont need a microphone
To say what I been thinking
My heart is like a loudspeaker
Thats always on eleven
And if you strip me,
Strip it all away
Natasha Bedingfield Strip Me lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/natasha-bedingfield-strip-me-lyrics.html
If you strip me,
What would you find
If you strip me,
Strip it all away
I’m still the same
Take what you want
Steal my pride
Build me up
Or cut me down to size
Shut me out
But I’ll just scream
Im only one voice in a million
But you aint taking that from me
Oh oh no you aint taking that from me x 4
Cos when it all boils down
At the end of the day
Its what you do and say
That makes you who you are
Makes you think about,
Think about it
Doesn’t it
Sometimes all it takes is one voice
Take what you want
Steal my pride
Build me up
Or cut me down to size
Shut me out
But I’ll just scream
Im only one voice in a million
But you aint taking that from me
Oh oh no you aint taking that from me x 4
Friday, April 1, 2011
kepribadian teori, jenis dan tes
Memahami kepribadian juga merupakan kunci untuk membuka kualitas manusia yang sulit dipahami, misalnya kepemimpinan , motivasi , dan empati , apakah tujuan Anda adalah pengembangan diri, membantu orang lain, atau bidang lain yang berkaitan dengan orang dan bagaimana kita bersikap.
Memahami jenis kepribadian sangat membantu untuk menghargai bahwa sementara orang berbeda, setiap orang memiliki nilai, dan kekuatan khusus dan kualitas, dan setiap orang yang seharusnya diperlakukan dengan hati-hati dan hormat. Relevansi cinta dan spiritualitas - terutama di tempat kerja - lebih mudah untuk melihat dan menjelaskan ketika kita memahami bahwa perbedaan dalam orang biasanya kepribadian berbasis.. Orang yang sangat jarang berangkat untuk menyebabkan gangguan - mereka hanya berperilaku berbeda karena mereka berbeda.
Teori Kepribadian dan tes yang berguna juga untuk manajemen, perekrutan, pelatihan, seleksi dan pengajaran, dimana titik lihat juga gaya belajar teori pada halaman lain seperti gaya belajar Kolb , Gardner Multiple Intelligences , dan VAK model pembelajaran gaya .
Menyelesaikan tes kepribadian tanpa pengetahuan tentang teori-teori pendukung bisa menjadi pengalaman frustrasi dan menyesatkan - terutama jika hasil dari tes kepribadian yang tidak benar menjelaskan, atau lebih buruk lagi tidak diberikan sama sekali kepada orang yang sedang diuji. Semoga penjelasan dan teori-teori di bawah ini akan membantu menghilangkan banyak Mistique sekitarnya tes kepribadian modern.
. Ada kepribadian yang berbeda dan model motivasi dan teori, dan masing-masing menawarkan perspektif yang berbeda.
Jika Anda menemukan bahan-bahan ini bermanfaat silakan coba untuk menyumbangkan sesuatu untuk penerbitan-diri Space, untuk rincian contoh model lain kepribadian atau teori psikologi. Berikut adalah rincian tentang Space pada Businessballs dan filsafat di baliknya.
Model yang lebih Anda memahami, semakin baik apresiasi Anda motivasi dan perilaku.
personality models on this page kepribadian model pada halaman ini
personality theories and models - introduction teori kepribadian dan model - pengenalan
Perilaku dan kepribadian model secara luas digunakan dalam organisasi, terutama dalam psikometri dan tes psikometri (penilaian dan tes kepribadianPerilaku dan kepribadian model juga telah digunakan oleh para filsuf, pemimpin dan manajer untuk ratusan dan dalam beberapa kasus ribuan tahun sebagai bantuan untuk memahami, menjelaskan, dan mengelola komunikasi dan hubungan.
. Digunakan dengan tepat, psikometri dan tes kepribadian dapat sangat bermanfaat dalam meningkatkan pengetahuan tentang diri sendiri dan orang lain - motivasi, kekuatan, kelemahan, lebih suka berpikir dan bekerja gaya, dan juga kekuatan dan pilihan gaya untuk komunikasi, pembelajaran, manajemen, dikelola, dan tim -bekerja.
. Memahami kepribadian - orang lain Anda sendiri dan - merupakan pusat motivasi.. Orang yang berbeda memiliki kekuatan yang berbeda dan kebutuhan. Anda juga.
. Semakin Anda memahami tentang kepribadian, yang lebih mampu Anda untuk menilai apa yang memotivasi orang - dan diri sendiri.
Semakin Anda memahami tentang kepribadian Anda sendiri dan orang lain, lebih mampu Anda menyadari bagaimana orang lain memandang Anda, dan bagaimana mereka bereaksi terhadap kepribadian dan gaya Anda sendiri.
Mengetahui bagaimana beradaptasi cara Anda bekerja dengan orang lain, bagaimana Anda berkomunikasi, memberikan informasi dan belajar, bagaimana Anda mengidentifikasi dan menyetujui tugas, merupakan faktor utama yang memungkinkan berhasil mengelola dan memotivasi orang lain - dan diri sendiri.
. Yang penting Anda tidak perlu perlu menggunakan alat psikometri untuk memahami teori dan model dasar yang menyokong itu. Jelas menggunakan psychometrics instrumen yang baik dapat sangat berguna dan bermanfaat, (dan menyenangkan juga jika benar diposisikan dan dikelola), tetapi manfaat jangka-berdiri dari bekerja dengan model ini sebenarnya dalam pemahaman logika dan teori yang mendukung model perilaku atau tes kepribadian sistem yang bersangkutan. Setiap teori membantu Anda untuk memahami lebih lanjut tentang diri Anda dan orang lain.
Dalam hal 'memotivasi orang lain' Anda tidak bisa berkelanjutan motivasi 'memaksakan' pada orang lain.. Anda dapat menginspirasi mereka mungkin, yang berlangsung selama Anda dapat mempertahankan inspirasi, tapi motivasi yang berkelanjutan harus datang dari dalam orang tersebut.. Manajer yang baik dan pemimpin akan memungkinkan dan menyediakan situasi, lingkungan dan kesempatan yang diperlukan agar orang dapat termotivasi - dalam mengejar tujuan dan pengembangan dan prestasi yang benar-benar berarti bagi individu. potential. Yang berarti bahwa Anda perlu untuk menemukan, dan pada waktu membantu orang lain untuk menemukan, apa yang benar-benar memotivasi mereka - khususnya kekuatan mereka, nafsu, dan tujuan pribadi - untuk beberapa mengejar takdir pribadi - untuk mencapai potensi mereka yang unik. Bisa menjelaskan kepribadian, dan untuk membimbing orang terhadap sumber daya yang akan membantu mereka memahami lebih lanjut tentang diri mereka sendiri, semua adalah bagian dari proses. Membantu orang lain untuk membantu Anda memahami apa yang mereka butuhkan - untuk bekerja dan untuk pengembangan seumur hidup, dan Anda akan memiliki kunci penting untuk memotivasi, membantu dan bekerja dengan orang-orang.
Setiap teori yang berbeda dan model kepribadian dan motivasi manusia perspektif yang berbeda pada daerah yang sangat kompleks kepribadian, motivasi dan perilaku. Oleh karena itu, untuk setiap subjek yang kompleks, perspektif yang Anda miliki, maka pemahaman yang lebih baik secara keseluruhan Anda akan menjadi. Setiap ringkasan di bawah ini adalah fitur hanya itu - sebuah ringkasan: titik awal dari mana Anda dapat mengejar detail dan kerja salah satu model yang Anda temukan menarik dan relevan. Jelajahi model lain dan teori tidak ditampilkan di situs ini juga - contoh di bawah ini adalah contoh kecil saja dari berbagai model dan sistem yang telah dikembangkan.
Beberapa sumber daya tes kepribadian, termasuk instrumen penilaian, tersedia gratis di internet atau dengan biaya yang relatif rendah dari penyedia yang tepat, dan mereka adalah alat yang indah untuk kesadaran diri, pengembangan pribadi, bekerja dengan orang-orang dan untuk membantu mengembangkan hubungan kerja yang lebih baik.. Beberapa instrumen namun agak lebih mahal, mengingat bahwa para pengembang dan organisasi psychometrics perlu menutup biaya pengembangan mereka. Untuk alasan ini, instrumen kepribadian ilmiah divalidasi pengujian jarang gratis. Tes bebas yang secara ilmiah divalidasi cenderung menjadi alat pengantar 'lite' yang memberikan indikasi luas daripada analisis rinci.
. Ada puluhan kepribadian yang berbeda pengujian sistem untuk mengeksplorasi, yang duduk di bawah teori-teori dasar agak lebih sedikit dan model. Beberapa teori kepribadian mendukung instrumen penilaian yang dikenal-baik (seperti Myers Briggs ®, dan DISC); lainnya-sendiri model berdiri atau teori yang berusaha menjelaskan kepribadian, motivasi, perilaku, gaya belajar dan berpikir gaya (seperti Benziger , Analisis Transaksional , Maslow , McGregor , Adams , VAK , Kolb , dan lain-lain), yang dijelaskan di tempat lain di situs ini.
. Dalam bagian ini adalah contoh-contoh kepribadian dan gaya model, yang semuanya relatif mudah dipahami dan diterapkan. Jangan biarkan penyedia layanan untuk membingungkan Anda dengan ilmu - semua teori ini cukup dapat diakses pada tingkat dasar, yang sangat membantu untuk memahami banyak apa yang Anda butuhkan tentang motivasi dan kepribadian dalam pekerjaan dan kehidupan di luar.
. Apakah mencari pelatihan yang tepat dan akreditasi jika Anda ingin mengejar dan menggunakan tes psikometri secara formal, terutama jika pengujian atau penilaian orang-orang dalam organisasi atau dalam penyediaan jasa.. Penyelenggara tes kepribadian formal - baik dalam perekrutan, penilaian, pelatihan dan pengembangan, konseling atau untuk tujuan lain - merupakan daerah sensitif dan terampil. Orang-orang rentan terhadap saran tidak akurat, salah tafsir, atau penjelasan miskin dan tidak sensitif, sehingga pendekatan tes kepribadian dengan hati-hati, dan pastikan Anda dilengkapi dan mampu untuk menghadapi situasi tes dengan benar.
. Untuk alasan yang sama Anda perlu benar dilatih untuk terlibat dalam konseling atau terapi untuk situasi emosional klinis atau serius. Orang dengan kondisi klinis, depresi dan gangguan emosi yang serius biasanya perlu bantuan profesional yang berkualitas, dan jika Anda tidak memenuhi syarat sendiri maka yang terbaik yang dapat Anda lakukan adalah menawarkan untuk membantu orang lain mendapatkan dukungan yang tepat.
. Mengingat bahwa mungkin separuh kepribadian kita ditentukan oleh pengaruh yang bekerja pada kami setelah kita dikandung dan dilahirkan, itu menarik dan penting juga bahwa tidak ada yang benar-benar tahu sejauh mana perubahan kepribadian dari waktu ke waktu.
Tentu saja trauma utama pada setiap tahap kehidupan bisa mengubah kepribadian seseorang yang cukup mendasar. Tentu saja banyak orang tampaknya dewasa secara emosional dengan usia dan pengalaman.. Tapi di luar generalisasi semacam ini, sulit untuk tepat tentang bagaimana dan kapan - dan jika - kepribadian sebenarnya perubahan.
Jadi di mana kita menarik garis dan berkata kepribadian adalah tetap dan perusahaan? Jawaban secara absolut adalah bahwa kita tidak bisa.
Namun kami dapat mengidentifikasi gaya kepribadian umum, bakat, kepekaan, sifat, dll, pada orang dan dalam diri kita, terutama ketika kita memahami sesuatu tentang bagaimana untuk mendefinisikan dan mengukur jenis dan gaya. Dan tingkat kesadaran jauh lebih baik daripada memiliki tidak sama sekali.
Yang adalah tujuan dari informasi ini mengenai kepribadian dan gaya 'tipe'. Berikut ini adalah dimaksudkan untuk memberikan, luas diakses (mudah-mudahan menarik) tingkat kesadaran kepribadian dan jenis, dan cara untuk menafsirkan dan mendefinisikan dan mengakui kepribadian yang berbeda dan perilaku, sehingga untuk lebih memahami diri sendiri dan orang lain di sekitar Anda.
Sekali lagi ingat bahwa tidak ada orang yang secara eksklusif satu temperamen atau tipe. Masing-masing jika kita cenderung memiliki preferensi tunggal atau jenis dominan atau gaya, yang ditambah dan didukung oleh campuran jenis lain. Orang yang berbeda memiliki berbeda campuran dan dominances - beberapa orang sangat berorientasi pada jenis tunggal, orang lain memiliki lebih bahkan campuran jenis. Tampaknya untuk diterima teori bahwa tidak ada orang dapat memiliki campuran seimbang dari semua empat jenis.
Kebanyakan orang dapat mengadaptasi gaya mereka sesuai dengan situasi yang berbeda. Orang-orang tertentu yang mampu beradaptasi jauh gaya pribadi mereka agar sesuai dengan situasi yang berbeda. Keuntungan menjadi beradaptasi konsisten dengan UU '1 st kuat Dari Cybernetics ', yang menyatakan bahwa: "Unit (yang bisa menjadi orang) dalam sistem (yang dapat menjadi situasi atau organisasi) yang memiliki perilaku respon yang paling tersedia untuk itu mengontrol sistem ".
Kemampuan untuk beradaptasi atau membawa ke dalam bermain gaya pribadi yang berbeda dalam menanggapi situasi yang berbeda adalah dapat dikatakan sebagai kemampuan yang paling kuat bahwa setiap orang dapat miliki. Memahami model kepribadian seperti Empat temperamen karena itu membantu langsung dalam mencapai kesadaran pribadi seperti dan kemampuan beradaptasi. Memahami kepribadian membantu Anda mengenali perilaku dan ketik lainnya - dan diri sendiri.. Menyadari perilaku adalah jelas prasyarat untuk perilaku beradaptasi - diri sendiri, dan dalam membantu orang lain untuk beradaptasi juga.
Memahami jenis kepribadian sangat membantu untuk menghargai bahwa sementara orang berbeda, setiap orang memiliki nilai, dan kekuatan khusus dan kualitas, dan setiap orang yang seharusnya diperlakukan dengan hati-hati dan hormat. Relevansi cinta dan spiritualitas - terutama di tempat kerja - lebih mudah untuk melihat dan menjelaskan ketika kita memahami bahwa perbedaan dalam orang biasanya kepribadian berbasis.. Orang yang sangat jarang berangkat untuk menyebabkan gangguan - mereka hanya berperilaku berbeda karena mereka berbeda.
Teori Kepribadian dan tes yang berguna juga untuk manajemen, perekrutan, pelatihan, seleksi dan pengajaran, dimana titik lihat juga gaya belajar teori pada halaman lain seperti gaya belajar Kolb , Gardner Multiple Intelligences , dan VAK model pembelajaran gaya .
Menyelesaikan tes kepribadian tanpa pengetahuan tentang teori-teori pendukung bisa menjadi pengalaman frustrasi dan menyesatkan - terutama jika hasil dari tes kepribadian yang tidak benar menjelaskan, atau lebih buruk lagi tidak diberikan sama sekali kepada orang yang sedang diuji. Semoga penjelasan dan teori-teori di bawah ini akan membantu menghilangkan banyak Mistique sekitarnya tes kepribadian modern.
. Ada kepribadian yang berbeda dan model motivasi dan teori, dan masing-masing menawarkan perspektif yang berbeda.
Jika Anda menemukan bahan-bahan ini bermanfaat silakan coba untuk menyumbangkan sesuatu untuk penerbitan-diri Space, untuk rincian contoh model lain kepribadian atau teori psikologi. Berikut adalah rincian tentang Space pada Businessballs dan filsafat di baliknya.
Model yang lebih Anda memahami, semakin baik apresiasi Anda motivasi dan perilaku.
personality models on this page kepribadian model pada halaman ini
personality theories and models - introduction teori kepribadian dan model - pengenalan
Perilaku dan kepribadian model secara luas digunakan dalam organisasi, terutama dalam psikometri dan tes psikometri (penilaian dan tes kepribadianPerilaku dan kepribadian model juga telah digunakan oleh para filsuf, pemimpin dan manajer untuk ratusan dan dalam beberapa kasus ribuan tahun sebagai bantuan untuk memahami, menjelaskan, dan mengelola komunikasi dan hubungan.
. Digunakan dengan tepat, psikometri dan tes kepribadian dapat sangat bermanfaat dalam meningkatkan pengetahuan tentang diri sendiri dan orang lain - motivasi, kekuatan, kelemahan, lebih suka berpikir dan bekerja gaya, dan juga kekuatan dan pilihan gaya untuk komunikasi, pembelajaran, manajemen, dikelola, dan tim -bekerja.
. Memahami kepribadian - orang lain Anda sendiri dan - merupakan pusat motivasi.. Orang yang berbeda memiliki kekuatan yang berbeda dan kebutuhan. Anda juga.
. Semakin Anda memahami tentang kepribadian, yang lebih mampu Anda untuk menilai apa yang memotivasi orang - dan diri sendiri.
Semakin Anda memahami tentang kepribadian Anda sendiri dan orang lain, lebih mampu Anda menyadari bagaimana orang lain memandang Anda, dan bagaimana mereka bereaksi terhadap kepribadian dan gaya Anda sendiri.
Mengetahui bagaimana beradaptasi cara Anda bekerja dengan orang lain, bagaimana Anda berkomunikasi, memberikan informasi dan belajar, bagaimana Anda mengidentifikasi dan menyetujui tugas, merupakan faktor utama yang memungkinkan berhasil mengelola dan memotivasi orang lain - dan diri sendiri.
. Yang penting Anda tidak perlu perlu menggunakan alat psikometri untuk memahami teori dan model dasar yang menyokong itu. Jelas menggunakan psychometrics instrumen yang baik dapat sangat berguna dan bermanfaat, (dan menyenangkan juga jika benar diposisikan dan dikelola), tetapi manfaat jangka-berdiri dari bekerja dengan model ini sebenarnya dalam pemahaman logika dan teori yang mendukung model perilaku atau tes kepribadian sistem yang bersangkutan. Setiap teori membantu Anda untuk memahami lebih lanjut tentang diri Anda dan orang lain.
Dalam hal 'memotivasi orang lain' Anda tidak bisa berkelanjutan motivasi 'memaksakan' pada orang lain.. Anda dapat menginspirasi mereka mungkin, yang berlangsung selama Anda dapat mempertahankan inspirasi, tapi motivasi yang berkelanjutan harus datang dari dalam orang tersebut.. Manajer yang baik dan pemimpin akan memungkinkan dan menyediakan situasi, lingkungan dan kesempatan yang diperlukan agar orang dapat termotivasi - dalam mengejar tujuan dan pengembangan dan prestasi yang benar-benar berarti bagi individu. potential. Yang berarti bahwa Anda perlu untuk menemukan, dan pada waktu membantu orang lain untuk menemukan, apa yang benar-benar memotivasi mereka - khususnya kekuatan mereka, nafsu, dan tujuan pribadi - untuk beberapa mengejar takdir pribadi - untuk mencapai potensi mereka yang unik. Bisa menjelaskan kepribadian, dan untuk membimbing orang terhadap sumber daya yang akan membantu mereka memahami lebih lanjut tentang diri mereka sendiri, semua adalah bagian dari proses. Membantu orang lain untuk membantu Anda memahami apa yang mereka butuhkan - untuk bekerja dan untuk pengembangan seumur hidup, dan Anda akan memiliki kunci penting untuk memotivasi, membantu dan bekerja dengan orang-orang.
Setiap teori yang berbeda dan model kepribadian dan motivasi manusia perspektif yang berbeda pada daerah yang sangat kompleks kepribadian, motivasi dan perilaku. Oleh karena itu, untuk setiap subjek yang kompleks, perspektif yang Anda miliki, maka pemahaman yang lebih baik secara keseluruhan Anda akan menjadi. Setiap ringkasan di bawah ini adalah fitur hanya itu - sebuah ringkasan: titik awal dari mana Anda dapat mengejar detail dan kerja salah satu model yang Anda temukan menarik dan relevan. Jelajahi model lain dan teori tidak ditampilkan di situs ini juga - contoh di bawah ini adalah contoh kecil saja dari berbagai model dan sistem yang telah dikembangkan.
Beberapa sumber daya tes kepribadian, termasuk instrumen penilaian, tersedia gratis di internet atau dengan biaya yang relatif rendah dari penyedia yang tepat, dan mereka adalah alat yang indah untuk kesadaran diri, pengembangan pribadi, bekerja dengan orang-orang dan untuk membantu mengembangkan hubungan kerja yang lebih baik.. Beberapa instrumen namun agak lebih mahal, mengingat bahwa para pengembang dan organisasi psychometrics perlu menutup biaya pengembangan mereka. Untuk alasan ini, instrumen kepribadian ilmiah divalidasi pengujian jarang gratis. Tes bebas yang secara ilmiah divalidasi cenderung menjadi alat pengantar 'lite' yang memberikan indikasi luas daripada analisis rinci.
. Ada puluhan kepribadian yang berbeda pengujian sistem untuk mengeksplorasi, yang duduk di bawah teori-teori dasar agak lebih sedikit dan model. Beberapa teori kepribadian mendukung instrumen penilaian yang dikenal-baik (seperti Myers Briggs ®, dan DISC); lainnya-sendiri model berdiri atau teori yang berusaha menjelaskan kepribadian, motivasi, perilaku, gaya belajar dan berpikir gaya (seperti Benziger , Analisis Transaksional , Maslow , McGregor , Adams , VAK , Kolb , dan lain-lain), yang dijelaskan di tempat lain di situs ini.
. Dalam bagian ini adalah contoh-contoh kepribadian dan gaya model, yang semuanya relatif mudah dipahami dan diterapkan. Jangan biarkan penyedia layanan untuk membingungkan Anda dengan ilmu - semua teori ini cukup dapat diakses pada tingkat dasar, yang sangat membantu untuk memahami banyak apa yang Anda butuhkan tentang motivasi dan kepribadian dalam pekerjaan dan kehidupan di luar.
. Apakah mencari pelatihan yang tepat dan akreditasi jika Anda ingin mengejar dan menggunakan tes psikometri secara formal, terutama jika pengujian atau penilaian orang-orang dalam organisasi atau dalam penyediaan jasa.. Penyelenggara tes kepribadian formal - baik dalam perekrutan, penilaian, pelatihan dan pengembangan, konseling atau untuk tujuan lain - merupakan daerah sensitif dan terampil. Orang-orang rentan terhadap saran tidak akurat, salah tafsir, atau penjelasan miskin dan tidak sensitif, sehingga pendekatan tes kepribadian dengan hati-hati, dan pastikan Anda dilengkapi dan mampu untuk menghadapi situasi tes dengan benar.
. Untuk alasan yang sama Anda perlu benar dilatih untuk terlibat dalam konseling atau terapi untuk situasi emosional klinis atau serius. Orang dengan kondisi klinis, depresi dan gangguan emosi yang serius biasanya perlu bantuan profesional yang berkualitas, dan jika Anda tidak memenuhi syarat sendiri maka yang terbaik yang dapat Anda lakukan adalah menawarkan untuk membantu orang lain mendapatkan dukungan yang tepat.
. Mengingat bahwa mungkin separuh kepribadian kita ditentukan oleh pengaruh yang bekerja pada kami setelah kita dikandung dan dilahirkan, itu menarik dan penting juga bahwa tidak ada yang benar-benar tahu sejauh mana perubahan kepribadian dari waktu ke waktu.
Tentu saja trauma utama pada setiap tahap kehidupan bisa mengubah kepribadian seseorang yang cukup mendasar. Tentu saja banyak orang tampaknya dewasa secara emosional dengan usia dan pengalaman.. Tapi di luar generalisasi semacam ini, sulit untuk tepat tentang bagaimana dan kapan - dan jika - kepribadian sebenarnya perubahan.
Jadi di mana kita menarik garis dan berkata kepribadian adalah tetap dan perusahaan? Jawaban secara absolut adalah bahwa kita tidak bisa.
Namun kami dapat mengidentifikasi gaya kepribadian umum, bakat, kepekaan, sifat, dll, pada orang dan dalam diri kita, terutama ketika kita memahami sesuatu tentang bagaimana untuk mendefinisikan dan mengukur jenis dan gaya. Dan tingkat kesadaran jauh lebih baik daripada memiliki tidak sama sekali.
Yang adalah tujuan dari informasi ini mengenai kepribadian dan gaya 'tipe'. Berikut ini adalah dimaksudkan untuk memberikan, luas diakses (mudah-mudahan menarik) tingkat kesadaran kepribadian dan jenis, dan cara untuk menafsirkan dan mendefinisikan dan mengakui kepribadian yang berbeda dan perilaku, sehingga untuk lebih memahami diri sendiri dan orang lain di sekitar Anda.
Sekali lagi ingat bahwa tidak ada orang yang secara eksklusif satu temperamen atau tipe. Masing-masing jika kita cenderung memiliki preferensi tunggal atau jenis dominan atau gaya, yang ditambah dan didukung oleh campuran jenis lain. Orang yang berbeda memiliki berbeda campuran dan dominances - beberapa orang sangat berorientasi pada jenis tunggal, orang lain memiliki lebih bahkan campuran jenis. Tampaknya untuk diterima teori bahwa tidak ada orang dapat memiliki campuran seimbang dari semua empat jenis.
Kebanyakan orang dapat mengadaptasi gaya mereka sesuai dengan situasi yang berbeda. Orang-orang tertentu yang mampu beradaptasi jauh gaya pribadi mereka agar sesuai dengan situasi yang berbeda. Keuntungan menjadi beradaptasi konsisten dengan UU '1 st kuat Dari Cybernetics ', yang menyatakan bahwa: "Unit (yang bisa menjadi orang) dalam sistem (yang dapat menjadi situasi atau organisasi) yang memiliki perilaku respon yang paling tersedia untuk itu mengontrol sistem ".
Kemampuan untuk beradaptasi atau membawa ke dalam bermain gaya pribadi yang berbeda dalam menanggapi situasi yang berbeda adalah dapat dikatakan sebagai kemampuan yang paling kuat bahwa setiap orang dapat miliki. Memahami model kepribadian seperti Empat temperamen karena itu membantu langsung dalam mencapai kesadaran pribadi seperti dan kemampuan beradaptasi. Memahami kepribadian membantu Anda mengenali perilaku dan ketik lainnya - dan diri sendiri.. Menyadari perilaku adalah jelas prasyarat untuk perilaku beradaptasi - diri sendiri, dan dalam membantu orang lain untuk beradaptasi juga.
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